the_kman's Journal

3:45pm: Grill Out Tonight!!
Hey all. It's that time of year again. We'll be grilling at 4401 Mayberry Street....Thad's making Thadburgers....and although I hear they're just for him, I'm sure he'll share. But we're making Burgers and Dogs and we've got Corn on the Cob and chips and shit, so just bring your own booze....or drink whatever we have sitting around here. If you're reading this, your'e invited...and, although not confirmed, there are rumours of Ben making a chocolate cake....and if you didn't make one, Ben, you better get on it when you read this. People will demand the chocolate cake. Call me if you need directions or something 614-4658.

-Karl

5:58pm: AP: Omaha, NE- Houfek Placed on DL
So, I was outside doing some manly work today fixing our picturesque middle class white picket fence when all hell broke loose. I needed to cut about 3 inches off this 12 inch board and I was thinking about those ESPN Great Outdoors Games they have where lumberjacks race by climbing up poles with those spiky shoes and cutting through these big pieces or wood as fast as they can...so I have this foot-long board about a half an inch thick and I just keep sawing faster and faster like some kind of madman and my hand slipped off the board right into the path of an oncoming saw!! The saw cut clean through the finger nail on the middle finger of my left hand and into the flesh...bleeding commenced...as did excessive screaming. Kelly was in the garage...little compassion was received. So I went to the bathroom and washed it out and thought I was going to pass out and Kelly's sister showed some concern for my health. Kelly felt guilty for her indifference to my condition and decided to put some guaze and tape on my finger. Now I type slow. The end.

3:36pm: It's still on...
The rain looks like it will be holding off until around 8:30pm...by that time our bellies will be full of burgers and beer and we'll be inside either at my house or at the bars. So, I don't want anyone trying to
use the weather as an excuse...I mean, if you're gonna chase tornadoes, you need to do it on a full stomach, right? Okay, see everyone tonight.

7:06pm: Guess what tomorrow is!!!
9 and 1/2 months before April 5th, 1979....my parents totally boinked....and voila....The K_Man was conceived. Come celebrate my mom's failed abortion attempt with beer and burgers (...and that's BEER, no "s". You each get ONE.)!!! So if you are reading this...seriously...I don't give a fuck who you are...come to 4401 Mayberry St (2 blocks south of Leavenworth) Tuesday night at around 6pm....and we'll party it up until the cows come home. Cheap beer, ground beef and store-brand buns will be provided...anything else and you're pretty much on your own...though there will be carrots for those of you who don't eat meat...but I may roll them in raw meat juices when you're not looking. Okay, that is all. Call my home phone at 614-4658 if you have any questions...and Jessie, you already posted that you have the whole week off...so no excuses.


P.S. I've been told there may be cheese and pickles too.

11:50am: The K-Man Cometh....
My friend Ben often refers to me as "The K-Man"....which reminds me of when former NFL superstar Deion Sanders was called "Neon Deion" because he was so fast and flashy. But what I'm wondering is if it's okay for me to refer to myself as "The K-Man". This is something I sometimes like to do among a close-knit group of friends....and my grandma.
Anyway...what I'm concerned about is coming off as big-headed/egotistical. Neon Deion was often vilified for the way he spoke about himself in the third person during interviews and United Way commercials. But I often speak in a similar manner...such as: "The K-Man's hungry....who's up for some pizza?!" or "My wife likes the way The K-Man operates under the covers!" Does this come off as too showy...or is it just a fun way to communicate that makes everyone smile inside? Should I just leave it to my friends and loved ones to call me The K-Man or can I be part of the fun too?